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Friday, July 11, 2008

End-of-Season Awards Part 2

Posted by AR

As promised, we bring you a part 2 of our End-Of-Season Awards, this time with awards coming from the one and only AR, who also apologizes for the delay.

With only the wit, wisdom, and unconventional humor he can bring, here is our part 2:

-The Illuminati/NWO/Tinfoil hat Award for Conspiracy Theory of the Year

This year,it must be said was a marquee one for those who believe that 9/11 was an inside job and the jews are planning to take over the world.In other words-the dregs of society whose chances of actually using logical thought are about as far removed as the chances of them actually getting a girlfriend.As I said if you happen to be an oxygen thief who enjoys himself some basketball,boy was this year fun for you.First,before the season even commenced you had the eternally excellent Boston fate-switcheroo trades,seeing Ray Allen and KG being trade to Boston for spare parts* and the ghost of Artis Gilmore.This seemed to be rife for conspiracy theorists and it was,some stating that Kevin McHale and Danny Ainge were in cahoots.Not too farfetched until you consider little things called facts.When in Kevin McHale's General Managerial career has he ever shown signs of being able to have something he planned come to fruition?Simply put,KG wanted out and a championship(wouldn't a team where say a perennial All Star had just been acquired and joined another perennial All Star be a good place to try and achieve this?),Minny needed youth,Danny Ainge needed to keep his job.As win-win as Minny were going to get here,nice try though.

Second example really evades any logical thought which is why the complete wastes of working human DNA had a field day with was the inexplicable trade between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Memphis Grizzlies.To be honest I can't actually begin to defend this trade-not one bit-it was horribly one sided,the Lakers got a supposed missing piece and the Grizzlies,well they got thrower of excellent parties and all round depressing story Kwame Brown.This trade was the reason the NBA should introduce a "Ridiculous Trade Vetoe".But to get to the point,many saw this as an attempt by the NBA to hand the title to the Lakers.A ridiculous notion when you think of what actually transpired,the Lakers crumbled to a relative collapse and the supposed missing puzzle piece Pau Gasol is now somewhat resented by Laker fans.

But the winner for Conspiracy Theory of the Year has to go to the ridiculous and relatively widespread view that the NBA were rigging the Finals so that it would go to 7.Obviously I need not speak much more about that as we all know what happened.The result would lead to one of two conclusions 1)The NBA top brass really suck at setting up exciting finals or 2)The Conspiracy Theorists were wrong.I'll let you decide.

-The Nickleback Award For Being Very Popular,Yet very,very shit.

It would have been too easy and somewhat insulting to give this to the Knicks.So I'm going to go down a somewhat hesitant route by calling this one on the NBA finals as a whole.Hesitant because I actually think that the finals weren't as bad as people are saying they were and certainly nowhere near as bad as Nickleback's brand of what only can be described as "Canadian Rock".They were probably the best finals in 3 years,but with so much hype and after such a brilliant regular season,the finals and even the playoffs as a whole should have been better.The most competitive and interesting regular season in my living memory deserved better playoffs than it got.If the regular season were a girlfriend it would break up with the playoffs for not contributing enough to the relationship.Not to mention the fact that the rivalry was mention to the point of nauseum by every media outlet.So much so that no actual rivalry between these teams was allowed to develop.Every incident that occurred that could even be classified as rivalry-like seemed contrived and manufactured probably because people were harkening back to the old rivalries,rivalries that should have had no consequence to this finals-not that it shouldn't have been remembered or that the players weren't aware of it just that it should have had little do to with on court proceedings.

-The Eva Longoria Award for the Team that Looked better in Theory.

Eva Longoria is apparently very good looking,well so the highly reputable gossip and men's magazines tell us.I have never seen the attraction of Ms.Parker-ever.I believe her to be talentless and a very average looking human being.In many ways,she's very much like Michael Olowakandi.Both got top billing (Longoria in Desperate Houswives and Kandi Man in the 1998 draft) and both have contributed next to nothing to planet earth.Both have at one time or another been held in higher regard than far superior yet still very flawed peers in Nicolette Sheridan and Vince Carter.ANYWAY,less muttering and more award giving,this one goes to the Chicago Bulls mainly because I was very high on them coming into the season,I thought they would at least challenge for top spot in the east.But as we all know,things happened,injuries happened,we found out that Scott Skiles is unable to coach human beings with free will.Things happen,I still think that they're a far better team than was shown last season and with Rose at the 1 can make waves next year.

*In this analogy,if Al Jefferson is spare parts,the car is obviously a Maybach or some sort of Super-Bugati.

Btw,the delay was completely my lazy-ass fault.


Hursty said...

Nice Izzo. Agree with you on Eva being 'overrated' but she is still pretty hot compared to 95% of the rest of the femae population, just not as good looking as she's made out to be. Timberwolves suck d*ck.

Hursty said...

*female. My bad.

TADOne said...

Hursty, you seriously need to get of the Outback if you think that Eva is in the top 5% of the female population. She is more overrated than your boy Bogut.

Hursty said...

hater Tad.... look, Im trying to take into account all the starving africans and malnourished women in Asia (china and N.K esp.), then theres the chicks with facial hair and borheads (massive forheads), so overall she pretty good compared to others. Thats not even going into the fat girls and chubby legs and those who never lost baby weight or are physically dispraportionate, those with cankles and just ugly women. Dont worry Tad, you can always wear beer goggles. Sexist I know.

Eboy said...

That was actually a pretty concise list, hursty. Good work, AR. TAD, Tariq, where are your contributions?

AR said...


TADOne said...

Well Hursty, since I have never been out of the good 'ol US of A (except Canada...does that count?), i'll just have to say I don't consider Eva in the top 5% here in the States. But to each their own.

And E: I have something in the works.

Eboy said...

In the mind of a certain front office person?

Hursty said...

'I love travelling to overseas places such as Canada' - Britney Spears. @ Izzo, come on dude, if you look at 100 women passing by your office or down the sidewalk or in the mall, give them a rating out of 100 and then if you saw Eva Longoria walking down the street, she (most likely) would be top 5 out of all of them. I dont even know why I'm defending her. She's not in my top 5.

Hursty said...

Um... Tad. My bad (again).