Shawn Kemp's Offspring

by Tariq al Haydar

- Cleveland Cavaliers vs. Detroit Pistons




The Cavs are already up 2-0, before a game is played, because the Pistons are not stealing one at the Q. In fact, I don't see Games 1 and 2 as being remotely close. That Cleveland will advance is a foregone conclusion.

I'm more interested in finding out how the Pistons' offseason will turn out. Speaking of which, for all the talk about Allen Iverson's shortcomings, Rasheed Wallace has been the most disappointing Piston this year. And you know what, perhaps Chauncey Billups's presence would have helped a little, but this squad has looked lazy and disinterested for a couple of years.

Prediction: Cavs sweep.

- Boston Celtics vs. Chicago Bulls





So KG is out. That means the Bulls will be able to run their sets. The Celtics lose their best pick and roll defender. Chicago run pick and rolls all day. Can the C's get by the Bulls? Of course. But I smell an upset. And I can't wait to see Derrick Rose and Rajon Rondo get at each other.

As a side note, let me just declare to the world that I would love to watch Big Baby consume nourishment.

Prediction: Bulls in 6.

- Orlando Magic vs. Philadelphia 76ers

To me, the Sixers scream "small time". I just don't respect them at all. Sure, they have a veteran PG and Iguodala has been playing well. I guess Thaddeus Young has been impressive. Yawn.

The Orlando Magic have had a great season, but they lack testicular fortitude. And, of course, a team that lives on the three-point line is not to be trusted in the postseason. I await a time when Dwight Howard will demand the ball and go to work inside. Alas, that time is not upon us.

Still, they'll get by the Sixers with relative ease.

Prediction: Magic in 5.

- Atlanta Hawks vs. Miami Heat

This is the best first-round series in the East. It comes down to this: Does the better team or the superior player win?

Because it's obvious that Atlanta are a better team. Horford and Josh Smith inside, Joe Smith outside, and Mike Bibby running the show. That's not a great team, but it's vastly superior to Chris Quinn and co. I wonder how Jermaine O'Neal will do. Oh yeah, and the Hawks won the season series 3-1.

And yet, it is foolhardy to bet against Flash.

Prediction: Heat in 7.