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Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The Love Of My Life

Posted by TADOne

While she left my presence a little over 4 months ago, I still remember that day vividly: the smell of champagne and sweat, the primal scream she let out from years of torment, and the unmistakable smile of content combined with the sorrow of knowing. We both knew it was over, but we decided to live in the moment. We may have had our differences, but the love was undeniable. We promised each other we would stay in touch.

I can’t quite say what an anvil being dropped on your chest would feel like, but I imagined it would feel about how I felt. I walked around everyday with my held high, bragging to co-workers that it was just a phase we were both going thru and that we needed the time apart to grow. I kept a smile on my face while walking into the coffee shop every morning, no one the bit wiser. Every night at the gym was a sweet release, letting out pent up frustration while my soul was quivering inside of me daily.

After a few months, my mind wandered and I let my inhibitions go eventually. I am not proud of the weak moments, but I will not look back and wonder. The few dalliances I allowed myself were nothing more than flings; lust, if you will. They kept me occupied, if not keeping me sane altogether. They could never compare to my love although they had their moments. However, the ups-and-downs I had with them were never as high or as low as I had when you were around and I knew I was only fooling myself.

I was at my lowest point when I got a special surprise mid-August; apparently, you were going to be in town. I could not believe my eyes when my love appeared before me: you had a completely new look, a new swagger, but you also had a look in your eye I had never seen before. Those few weeks I was in a daze from the unexpected newness of your new self-confidence, but also from the lack of sleep from having to see you at unorthodox hours of the day. Apparently, the new gig required you to do some long traveling and sleep at crazy hours. I was amazed all the new things you were showing me and opening my eyes too. You were growing, and you were allowing me to grow with you.

Email is such a cold, unassuming way to say hello or to catch up. It is the world we live in with the internet, myspace, facebook, and blogging replacing actual voice or intimate contact. However, it was better than the option of not having any contact at all with you. I kept my daily routine, but I added in time to talk about you at every chance I could get, even when I was supposed to be working. Since the brief summer reunion, that “anvil” pressure has eased and I started breathing with a bit less hesitation and getting much more fresh air into my lungs and quickening my heart rate. I knew time was moving fast and standing still at the same time, but I tried to remain patient. Like a prisoner awaiting his release date, I kept my eye fixed on the calendar.

I awoke early this morning with a renewed pep in my step and with the promise of “Change” on my mind. With election season at it’s peak and the climax a week away, my mind is racing with excitement and my stomach is turning with eagerness. My morning shave and shower was done with a smile on my face that couldn’t be wiped clean. I ironed out my clothes and looked forward to the work day, pleased with what lay ahead. Nothing could damper my spirits, not even the 40 degree weather when I woke up. The fire inside me was burning hot and my coffee tasted exceptionally grand. Anticipation is the best foreplay.

As I lay my feelings down for my love, I know the day has arrived. It all seems so familiar and yet, it all seems so brand new. You have some fresh new changes you have made, but you still have the same burning desire. I love your new look, but you are still classic beauty in an old-school kind of way. When we embrace, we will celebrate our past, but have our eyes firmly fixed on the here and now. The future looks bright, blinding my expectations. They are going out the window, because I’m just going to enjoy this one.

My baby is back! Bring on the NBA season!


Ryne Nelson said...

The answer to the coldness of email: Skype. :-)

Eboy said...

I love TAD and I love ball. Love me......:).....yes?

TADOne said...

Nothing can dampen my day. I love everyone today!

Eboy said...

Even Kobe?

TADOne said...

Thin line between love/hate E. So yeah. I'm sure the pendelum will swing later though.

Young Bear said...

TAD, the college game has been dominating my non-football time, which allowed this date to sneak up on me!

Thanks for that little diddy, today. I'll be watching tonight.

I also just got my first HD TV and have ordered the college full-court package. BRING ON BASKETBALL!

I know, i know.... I still have like 4 working and hooked-up VCRs at my house, so.....

ASPOV said...

Cute. I think I agree with those emotions. Got the popcorn ready and the Presidente is on ice. Bring it on!

TADOne said...

Cub: My football season, college and pro, is a wash this year. So my Pistons need to save my core rooting interests.

Also, I obviously just love the game, period.

AR said...

TAD can never ever complain about my confusing posts anymore.


TADOne said...

Alan, I confuse myself. I just like to f*ck with you.

B. Long said...

Beautiful. (single tear rolls down cheek)