Shawn Kemp's Offspring

********Disclaimer********This isn't a popularity contest so I really don't care how the comments sound after you read this. Thanks for your support.

Written by Eboy

So I've been flying high since the "late night Saturday/early morning Sunday American time vampiristic live telecast" of the Unites States/Spain gold medal basketball game. The game that the much ballyhooed Redeem Team proved themselves in as being able to deal with slight adversity and closing out what most expected them to do. I was one of the people that caught the exhibition games, the prelim matches and then the important games the Olympics require. In actuality, the US squad should have just had a 2 game bye to the gold medal game, but you know, rules are rules. While I thoroughly enjoyed almost all of the players contributions to the collective prize American basketball fans have been waiting on, the things that caught my attention in these games were, in no particular order:

A) LEBRON JAMES

Lebron James is ridiculous. Simply remarkable. I know most people that are under the age of 30 really can't comprehend the history of the NBA before 1990, but believe me, Lebron is like nothing seen before. His strength is in the highest ranks of great power forwards in the history of the game. His athleticism is on par with super freaks like Shawn Kemp & Josh Smith, except Lebrons game is 10 times more well-rounded than either of those guys. His ability to be unstoppable on the offensive end is in the same class as guys like Jordan & Barkley, putting their heads down, taking and giving punishment and taking points, just not getting them. His passing is not quite at the level of Magic Johnson, but there is an eerie feel of sameness when he is in the open court with guys running with him that he can make THAT pass. And due to these Olympic games, the feeling of him being a hyped up defender is right there on the table. If he gets that part of his game in check, forget it. There may be new record books that are needed for dudes accomplishments. To anyone who can't comprehend it, this is the guy EVERYONE in the league is fearing. No one else is close. You can hate the guy all you want for speaking about his off the court endeavors but there is no way you can dispute the continued progression of the prototype player of the 21st century. One thing is clear, Lebron James is good at basketball.




B) THE MAMBA'S LUCKY STRIKE

Kobe Bryant changed nothing in my mind as to his place in the game. A truly gifted scorer, legendary in it's completeness, a fierce competitor, a proven winner and truly overrated at this point of his career. Yes I know I'm famously known as a Kobe basher, but hear me out. Kobe has had three phases of his career. The Young'n phase were he suffered through trying times with the Lakers including most famously his wide open failure in the Utah Jazz series when he struggled to close the deal on several occasions in the most heated of circumstances. The dude was talented and cocksure, but not ready for that type of pressure. His age was the big factor at that point. But he had that promise.

The second phase was his title years and should be known as his Legacy years. Teamed with an elite Shaq, a really fantastic set of teammates and the coach who molded Michael into the ultimate winner, Kobe's fire shown brightest in that phase. He became a hero and matinee idol and gained fans worldwide. He became a multiple champion and began to garner mentions in the same group of players that most basketball historians hold in the highest regard. It was well deserved at that time. No question.

This current phase would have to be deemed the Failure phase. From his much publicized and criticized off the court troubles to his continued basketball failings since the departure of Shaquille and the reforming of the current Lakers squad, there has never been a player who has failed so often (on the court and off) who gets so much leeway because of his past accomplishments. Guess what? It's going on six seasons that Kobe has done nothing resembling the winning ways he became known for. Kobe has gone in reverse as to the career paths most great winners usually follow. Lose early on, win in the prime of your career and then fade away into the sunrise. Magic, Larry, Michael, Hakeem, Shaq, these legends have done this in some form or another. Kobe has done something opposite of that. Not a bad thing, just odd. These Olympic games did nothing to change that perception of him though. His 4 minutes of fantastic play in the 4th quarter of the gold medal game didn't erase what basically amounted to simply mediocre international play from the so called "best player on the planet" and until he can right the Lakers ship and do what is expected of him (winning titles), those free passes should be held for someone more deserving.....someone who is back on the rise up........someone like....




C) DWYANE WADE !!!!!

Fine, I'm being slightly ridiculous, and yes, I am a homer, but I've waited a long time to give the dude some actual good words compared to the things I've been saying for most of the last two seasons and now seems like the time for it.

Dwyane's performance in the Beijing games was bordering on awe inspiring. Awe inspiring because no one knew or expected what he has going to bring to the table. I'm not saying it as a fan of his, but the American media and the large majority of fans from SLAM, local supporters in South Florida and on webboards on the "Worldwide Leaders" website, among others, seemed to bear out the same, shocked result. Dwyane Wa.....D-Wade, Flash, was back. Take one guy off the Olympic squad that would have given the US the largest handicap? It was Dwyane. Hands down. Try not to forget that almost every game (except Angola) had a close first period score that seemed to jump incredulously once D-Wade came off the bench. Odd huh? No, actually, not really. It was a forced move due to the perceived slight it would have been to ask Kobe to come off the bench, but anyone with a sliver of common sense knows that it should have been the Mamba as the Miracle to D-Wade's Smokey in this tournament.

Dwyanes determination to silence the critics and his desire to prove himself on the world stage was motivation enough that made his "benching" each game the fuel to his fire. His athleticism was off the charts, his speed was on par with....well no one else was close in the Olympic tournament except possibly Pat Mills from Australia or Jamaican wonderman Usain Bolt and his attitude showed his swagger to have returned full force. This is great news for the fans of Miami Heat basketball. Sure they won't be winning a title anytime soon, but there is hope again that the Dwyane Wade that rocked the basketball world in 2006 will again be driving into foreign paints starting this October and actually make the Heat a respectable foe to great teams and not so good ones that they struggled with last season. If Lebron and Kobe are now 1a and 1b in greatest player ranking in the current NBA landscape, Dwyane has positioned himself to be on the outer fringes of the conversation again, like he was in 2006, and the results he shows this coming season will be looked at under a microscope due to his excellent work in China.




Lastly, I think the thing that shot out at me the most that really was unexpected was the tremendous play of Toronto Raptor F/C Chris Bosh. Dude proved a ton to me, and I know millions of others during the Olympics. He was clearly the best big on the squad and his passion was something most fans don't normally see on the networks due to Lebron, Kobe and San Antonio overload. I know there have been whispers in the Miami media that Riles is planning on making a strong play for Chris to pair up with Dwyane in Miami in 2010, and if this tournament was any indication of what the two of them might be able to do together...well damn, bring him on.

In closing, I'm glad the games are over, I loved watching the team as a unit accomplish the goal/gold and look forward to another great season of NBA ball. This was a summer of redemption for this group but for United States fans, this was where we NEEDED to be, back on top, by hook or by crook. Hey, it's the American way!

Some people call him the next Hunter S.Thompson,some people call him the definitive voice of Generation X.Well we just call him the guy who shockingly agreed to answer a few questions for us.Although mainly a music and pop culture critic by trade(you can find his work in the pages of Esquire and GQ,among others),you'd be hard pressed to find a writer with better Hoops knowledge than Chuck.In his books he has devoted whole chapters to Steve Nash before he was a two time MVP and NBA Officiating.His latest book and debut novel Downtown Owl is available from September 16th.







SKO:In the NBA,there's a commonly held view,that almost paradoxically,the general talent pool of the NBA has been diluted but there has never been so many transcendant stars.Do you buy this and if so,why do you think that is?

CK:This is true. And while it does seem paradoxical, it actually makes sense. The reason is expansion. Look at it like this: Let's say the NBA had only 20 franchises. This would mean that the league would only have 240 players, so every team would be much better. The worst player on the worst team would be the equivalent of a role player on an average team today. More importantly, the 21st best player in the entire league would (quite possibly) only be the 2nd best player on his own team, assuming the talent was distributed equally across those 20 franchises. In other words, a guy like Elton Brand would be a very good team's second option. A guy like Joe Johnson would be a second or third option. A guy like Drew Gooden might be coming off the bench. So all the teams would be more complete and more dangerous. Practices would be more competitive, so young teams would improve at a faster rate. The league would be better overall.

The reason the NBA seems to have so many transcendent players right now is a product of necessity -- because they league is watered down, the best players have to do more. In 1985, James Worthy was the third-best player for the Lakers. He averaged something like 17 points a game, but he still deferred to Magic and Kareem. That would never happen in this era. Now, Worthy would become a free agent, jump to Memphis or Minnesota, and score 30 a night. We would all classify him as a transcendent superstar. But the consequence is that there are no transcendent role players anymore, and those are the guys who make a league great.


SKO:Which impending event transpires first: A- An expansion NBA team pops up in Chisinau, Moldova; Or B- An NBA team relocates to Vermont and renames itself the "Vermont Verizon Wireless"?

CK:I would say "B." I wouldn't even mind if that happened. The one thing I like about Europeon soccer is that all the teams are whored out to every advertiser, which allows the networks to broadcast games without commercial interruptions. For TV audiences, corporate sponsorship can actually be a benefit.


SKO:What,in your opinion,would be more beneficial to the NBA,the NBA abolishing the Age Limit,more players cutting their teeth for a few years in Europe or the immediate resignation of David Stern?

CK:This is a good question. I think it is finally time for people to admit that Stern has been a bad commissioner for the NBA. There was a point (early in his tenure) when everyone in the media was saying stuff like, "Stern is a genius. He's the basketball equivalent of Pete Rozelle." So many people said this that Stern actually came to believe them. He now seems to think all his decisions are right, simply because he is the man who makes them. The NBA has some authentic problems right now, and most can be traced back to Stern. Expansion has hurt the league substanically. His unwillingness to overrule a bad league regulation during the Suns-Spurs playoff series in 2007 was terrible management. The fact that Stern has been so adamant about making basketball a global sport is going to become a real quagmire -- it's only a matter of time before some team in Italy DOES offer Kobe Bryant $50 million to jump to Europe, and that would be a disaster. And this gambling situation is *so much worse* than anything happening in the NFL or MLB ... the idea of refs fixing games is much more disturbing that SpyGate or steroids, because nothing destroys the integrity of any league as much as gambling. It's time we just admit that David Stern has become a bad commissioner. His singular skill is public relations. He has hurt basketball in this country.


SKO:Pitch a geographically appropriate name for the new Oklahoma City NBA team that also fits the teams status in the NBA.

CK:The Oklahoma City Citizens


SKO:How deflating is it to realize that the difference between McCain and Obama, especially in terms of foreign policy, is like the difference between a Double Whopper with Cheese and a Double Whopper with Cheese (extra pickles)?


CK:Well, this is complicated. In every political race, there is a "perceived difference" and an "actual difference" between any two candidates. In 2000, the perceived difference between Gore and Bush was virtually nonexistent -- however, time has shown that the actual difference was substantial. Right now, the perceived difference between Obama and McCain is unspeakably vast, but the actual difference is relatively small. But that still matters. Because America is a country with an inordinately high percentage of uninformed people, perception generally matters more than reality. In other words, the fact that people *think* Obama represents a new kind of political culture is probably more important than whatever policies he would (or wouldn't) enact. Culture beats strategy every time.

"You just say you're out there waiting
for the miracle, for the miracle to come."

Sometimes things just aren't meant to be.No people currently with-pulse know this to be true more than Lakers fans.Rewinding things back to the start of the season makes for some interesting thinking and discoveries.Well they're maybe not discoveries so much as they are realizations.If you put yourself into Laker fan mode[TM]for a minute [and I don't mean that to mean thinking things like 'I can't fucking believe I missed George Clooney and Judd Apatow hanging out at the Ivy the other day' and 'Tanning should be tax-free' by the way] and set your mind back to October 31st,you realize a few things about this past season.You'll realize that after a summer of insane and inane trade speculation sparked by your best player things might not go so well this season and maybe things in LA are about to change drastically.It is entirely possible that you might get to thinking that this guy is not all he's cracked up to be,after all,why would he insist on having the team to himself and then start complaining that the team isn't good enough when he got his wish?Why was he requesting things he knew he couldn't have?Why would he criticize the team's brightest talent?Was it a sign of him wanting out or maybe a contrived way of showing his leadership 'technique',as if it's him saying:'Sure I'll I'm free from the Lakers for the summer and sure I'll be playing with the best for the US,but I'm still the leader of this team and Bynum,you better bring it next year!',maybe just another poor Money parody,this is of course pure speculation and is now very irrelevant so we'll move on.Maybe you start to think that all this thinking is hopeless and maybe he won't be a Laker much longer anyway.He gets moved before trade deadline and the Lakers get a new start,not like that fake new start like after Shaq left,I mean a real new start-a-wipe-the-slate-clean-and-start-actively-scouting-Ricky Rubio new start.A win-less hope driven new start that will be as depressing as it would be exciting,as exhausting as it would be worthwile,a most appropriate style of new start for a city wherein hope is born and killed simultaneosly,dreams shattered and realized in the blink of an eye,just look at the Clippers.

This maudlin thinking may have gotten you down,so you prefer to deal with the guaranteed's,the here and nows,the things we know we have instead of dreaming up plausible yet unlikely doomsday scenarios.So,the deal is(my storytelling isn't great so remember,we're still in October 31st,2007),Bean is still in LA and the Lakers have a second round of the playoffs if they play their cards right type of team.Things could be worse.I mean it's not like your the Clippers with little hope and a team who's star player is fittingly injured for the season,a succinct yet cruel commentary on the organization's place in basketball,with one perrennial all star and one mould breaking point guard with a sky high ceiling,and they can use neither.You take little solace when thinking about this however,after all the Clippers are not the Lakers,the Clippers never had a point guard playing center and winning a finals game,they have never had teams with their own names.The 'Showtime Clippers' have never and will never exist,ditto for 'Clipshow'.The Clippers are very much the seedy under-belly of LA,representing everything that can and does go wrong in the town.The Clippers are the Porn Industry,the B Movies while the Lakers represent the glitz,the red carpets and the award shows.The Clippers are the 29 year old actor from North Dakota,who decided to give Hollywood a shot and ends up with nothing more than a few bit roles in indie movies,a slew waitering jobs and a heroin habit.A victim of following his own dreams.Conversely the Lakers are the celebs the whole world are interested in,regardless of talent or ability.A raper of good fortune and social status(most likely a republican).Not that the plight of the Clippers will ever bother the Lakers fan and why should it?The Lakers fan has its own team in turmoil to worry about.The important thing for this Lakers team and perhaps its one saving grace will be the development of some of their up and comers,most notably Andrew Bynum,maybe winning's a lost cause this season but not out of the question next season.If development is accompanied by some savvy off-season moves-that is.By now,your thinking in Laker fan mode has probably made you come to the realizations that a)an immediate ring is completely out of the question and b)that the upcoming season with all it's variables and lack of real Lakers history relevance might not be so fun.You'd be forgiven for thinking the only thing that could make this a real worthwhile year for the Lakers as an organisation(This clearly means a 'chip) and for you as a fan(see last bracketed sentence) of an historic organization would be a minor miracle.

If you thought that,you were both wrong and right at the same time.

Fast forward to Tuesday June 17th,2008 .The same feelings lie within the Lakers faithful,disappointment,serious questions about the team and very unsure about the future.The feelings are not so different to those felt at the end of October,but are more visceral,they cut deeper,though the feelings are the same,the circumstances couldn't be anymore different if one was represent by GeorgeW.Bush and the other by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.You see,you got your miracle and what good did it do?Sure you may have rid the crest of a wave for about three months,the Lakers temporarily became box-office again,people were even talking about dynasties.What I'm asking(only half in jest) is would the Lakers have been better off in the long run without the Gasol trade?The first and almost reflexive answer would be a resounding no.But I think there might be something to this thought,call it reactionary or contraryist all you want but maybe the Lakers might have been better off rebuilding naturally rather than having to deal with the expectations that come with a block busting trade,maybe their finals fall was because of the weight of expectations,maybe they crumbled because of it.It could also be argued that their meteoric rise post Gasol trade could be attributed to how the players responded to the expectations,it is entirely possible they used the new found interest and hope held by the fans for good and as a catylist for wins,over performing their way to the finals and eventually being found out by the better team.But whatever your take on it is,the facts are that the fans were made subject to dissapointments the likes of which they could only dream about at the beggining of the season.I'm still not quite sure whether that's a bad or a good thing,in sports,I find,the lows are always lower than the highs are high,something,as a fan you come to know and come to get sick of.Who reading has never questioned their interest in sport?Who after a crushing defeat hasn't screamed to themselves 'Fuck you sports,you evil fucking pig dog!You've taken all I've got you filthy swine.I give up,I fucking give up'.If you say you've never done this,then you're a better person than I am.You'd no doubt expect these feelings to be the feelings of the Lakers faithful,you could see why but would you feel any sympathy?The same Lakers fans screaming 'dynasty' prematurily,the same Lakers fans who seemed to have at least quadrupled magically since the trade,something you'll only see the next time the Lakers start winning big.

Me being somewhat of a basketball atheist(with one exception),I usually don't care much about the outcome of a series or a finals as long as the basketball is worth watching-I'm happy.I will sometimes take an interest in certain players that I find intruiging or likeable or whatever.But I never root for one team over another-not in basketball.So,what made these last finals so different?I mean both teams have intruiging players and sub-plots,both have a likeable story.I have nothing against a single player on either team,not even Bean.Odom has long been one of my favorites,ditto KG.So,in theory I should have been laying back and enjoying what was to come with no bias.This wasn't the case,I was biased,very biased.I wanted the Lakers to lose,very much,it wasn't even a case of wanting the Celtics to win,I wanted the Lakers to win.I was confused at the time and I now know why.To put it simply it was the fans,but it wasn't just the fans.Sports and especially teams like the Lakers always fall the merry victim to the bandwagoner,I'm sure the population of Lakers fans swelled during the Showtime Lakers and Lakeshow era and that made sense,it was understandable,it wasn't even a bad thing.These teams had massive public appeal,celebrities that people loves supported the Showtime Lakers.James Worthy would grab a rebound,fling an outlet,run up the court-on the way having sex with at least 3 of LA's finest actresses and still end up finishing the break with a smooth dunk.LA equals celebrity and could you blame people wanting to be an indirect peer to those they respected and admire?The same goes for the Lakeshow era Lakers,they represented celebrity and evevrything most people wanted to be,such was the perception of celebrity back then.But,even since the Lakeshow era,things have changed,celebrity has changed.People are more interested in watching and laughing at the demise of celebrities.The same celebrities who were once lauded and loved by many seemed to outstay their welcome,people may not have been enamoured by these stars constant and very public displays of gaudy wealth and superiority.So,somewhere between one Lakers era and another peoples perception of what the Lakers stand for.For some it's the awesome place where the girls from the Hills live,to others it's the mildly disgusting place where people with little talent and bare vaginas get more exposure and interest than stories of actual importance.I'm very much in the second camp,along with many others.Though as shown by the volume of new Lakers fans that were recently exposed,the first phrase is not without it's supporters.Both sides are polar opposites and cannot peacefully co-exist,thus my recent anti Lakers agenda.In short,as long the Celebutard movement is still alive and well,I will be rooting against LA.It may seem meaningless and unrelated,but it's not.....but it is.

So the Lakers have a cloudy yet bright future after a spectcular yet depressing season.Confused yet?

Be careful what you wish for.

by Eboy

Since our namesake is on the verge of an international comeback and is back in the public eye, why not take in some of best moments and celebrate the killer that was Kemp.



Eboy

Don't let the cheesy smiles fool you.....

Written by Eboy

Since the 2008 Olympics are upon us and the United States men’s basketball team, dubbed The Redeem Team, just finished it’s preliminary games, I thought I would do something to pass some time. Comparing this current squad with the hallowed, never to be challenged, legendary Dream Team of 1992. Not fair, I know, but I heard something similar on a Sirius satellite radio sports show and while not necessarily compelling, I thought it would be worth a look. Let’s begin:

The Rosters

Dream Team

Charles Barkley
Larry Bird
Clyde Drexler
Patrick Ewing
Magic Johnson
Michael Jordan
Christian Laettner
Karl Malone
Chris Mullin
Scottie Pippen
David Robinson
John Stockton

Redeem Team

Carmelo Anthony
Chris Bosh
Kobe Bryant
Carlos Boozer
Dwight Howard
LeBron James
Jason Kidd
Chris Paul
Tayshaun Prince
Michael Redd
Dwyane Wade
Deron Williams

Not much of a contest, right?

The one thing that I think the Redeem Team has a slight edge (by slight, I mean pubic hair tiny) in is the amount of “in their prime” perimeter players. Melo, Wade, Bron and Kobe are probably stronger as a whole than the Jordan, Pippen, Drexler, Mullin at the respective time frames the two teams were constructed in. Excluding Michael & Scottie (who easily trumps all the Redeem Team pieces), Drexler and Mullin were late in their careers and the legendary status of the two of them are unquestioned but I think they’d have their hands full with the quaddrupo unit the Redeem Team has to offer, at that particular moment. If the Dream Teamers were a couple years previous and Mully wasn't ailing, it wouldn’t be a contest though.

Let’s look at the big men, shall we? This is where the biggest discrepancy comes into place. Barkley, Bird, Ewing, Robinson, Malone vs. Howard, Bosh, Boozer and Prince (?). Forget it. The Dream Team’s big’s were killers, all five. Not including the original victory cigar, Laettner, who was coming of an equally deadly college career. The Redeem Teams bigs are what was best available at the moment, not historical figures that are looked at in Hall Of Fame perspective. And to think, a young Shaquille O’Neal was passed over for Laettner late in the game. That would have made the ridiculous even more than it seemed possible. The Dream Teams D was anchored by Ewing and Robinson, two of the greatest defensive centers ever. The Redeem Team has a gaping hole in that area as currently constructed.

Finally, the point position is pretty even in my mind. J Kidd, CP3 and Deron Williams may not have the resumes of Magic Johnson and John Stockton, but they wouldn’t be run off the floor by no means. Magic would have been a terror to the smallish Redeem team guards but the quickness and strength of the combined efforts of CP3 and D-Will would be plenty rough for Stock. Kidd would be the least productive of the three in my estimation for Team Redeem.

Coaching isn’t even a category for me. The Dream Team really didn’t need a coach just a barometer. Chuck Daly did that extremely well. Coach K seems to have a good grasp on his talent, although he hasn’t seemed to be able to utilize it to it’s fullest extent so far.

Let’s just put this into perspective though. The Dream Team had 10 Hall Of Fame players on their 12 man roster. The Redeem Team has 3 definite’s and maybe a couple of more after several seasons of work. Tough D, an unbelievable amount of unselfishness, incredible basketball minds and a ridiculous level of competitiveness made the Dream Team the greatest single team ever assembled, in any sport. I’m not trying to hear about some futbol team either. Sheer domination and a historically place in the game are just too much too overlook. Could Kobe slow Michael? Please. Scottie would have shut down Kobe, Michael would have taken pride in showing up Bron. Or vice versa. Scottie and Michael were “those” guys. Trust. Carmelo’s time as a PF would be parcel posted to him by a hard charging Mailman. D-Wade’s drives off determination would have been sorely rebuffed by a certain Admiral. Sir Charles would have made an example out of the larger Boozer and Patrick would have made Da-Howitzer’s days of interior dominance seem bleak by comparison. Michael Redd, meet Chris Mullin. And let’s not forget the “magic” that a certain good ole’ boy from French Lick and the ultimate showman coming from LA could have put together for portions of a game. Just too much talent, too much history, too much...........too much.



One game for all the marbles?

I have the score somewhere in the 118-82 area. Not close, not funny and not threatening. For the Dream Team, I mean. How could it be? It's THE DREAM TEAM!!!!