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Friday, June 13, 2008

The Eboy Challenge: Choice of a New Generation

Posted by Tariq al Haydar

I love you, Kevin Garnett. You too, Paul Pierce. Sorry, but your pictures will NOT be on this cover.

And I'm so sure of this, that I'm willing to put my money where my mouth is:

Yo Eboy, if the Lakers DON'T win, I'll send you this DVD. But if they DO win, you let me send it to you anyway.

What do you say?


Eboy said...

I can only think this is some kind of a setup for camel porn.

TADOne said...

Take the bet. I guess. I'm just curious to see where it goes.

Eboy said...

It doesn't seem like much of a bet. Even if the Lakers were to win, I'd have to come up with something as a prize for Tariq, so right now it's a non-existent entity.

Tariq al Hayder said...

Hey Eboy,

I don't a prize or anything. I think you don't understand the bet:

The bet is this:
If you accept, I'm going to send you the DVD, REGARDLESS of who wins. You follow? Like I'll send you the DVD either way. I know this sounds crazy, like: "What? Why would he just send me a DVD? What's in it for him?"

It's simple, really: It will give me great pleasure to know that you OWN the Lakers Championship DVD. And since it will be a gift from me, you can't just throw it away. You don't have to actually watch it if you don't want, but you have to keep it somewhere: your house, your office....something. Get it?

If you wanted camel porn, all you had to do was ask. I've got about 37 blank DVDs on which I've recorded many unspeakable and unnatural acts!

Tariq al Hayder said...

Actually, I'd PREFER if you watched it, but if that's a deal-breaker, I'm flexible!

Eboy said...

I get the bet, T. I don't know why you wouldn't have pick a better representation of Kobe's career to try and torture me with though.

Tariq al Hayder said...


Was that English? Dang man, are you SHOOK? I guess you're too nervous to accept my bet. Didn't realize you had so much faith in Kobe. Ha!

Eboy has SO MUCH FAITH that Kobe Bryant could accomplish something that JORDAN NEVER DID, that he can't even take a bet in which he has nothing to lose!


Guess you're a closet Kobe fan, E! Never thought you were one! I actually thought you were kind of a dick at one point, before I realized what a sweetheart you are!

Lakers in 7, Bet or no bet. Lord-willin'.

Tariq al Hayder said...

I'll give you one last chance to reclaim your manhood, Eboy:

Whaddya say?


Eboy said...

June's in Saudi Arabia must be REALLY boring! I don't get the acceptance/non acceptance angle. You are supposedly sending me a copy of the DVD regardless, so where is the bet?

Eboy said...

Actually here's a twist on the manhood bet. If the Lakers come back and win, I'll write a 2000 word Kobe appreciation post for our blog. If the Celtics close out, you retire permanantly from posting on the SLAM site. No posting under other screen names, no one off jump ins now and again. Straight shut down. No looking back in anger. What do you say?

Tariq al Hayder said...

Well, listen: I accept ANY bet you want, as long as it's one-sided. Understand? You could say that it's just a weird religious thing, I guess, but I can't actually make a bet where I WIN something. Understand?

So I accept your bet, but with a minor alteration. You have to choose one of the following:


If the Lakers win, you write a Kobe appreciation piece, but if the Celtics win, I do nothing.



If the Celtics win, I retire forever from the SLAM site, but if the Lakers win, YOU do nothing.

Pick A or B, and I accept automatically. You don't even have to run it by me again, just say: "I'll take A" or "I'll take B" and it will come into effect.

You're up, Eboy!

If you pick B, my retirement this time will be REAL, not like the time I got my panties in a bunch because Russ yelled at us.

AR said...

This has.............taken a turn.

Eboy said...

This bet is not even worth it. I like Tariq's ramblings much to much to miss them over two teams I could care less if their planes when down in flames.

DP said...

Eboy, get ready for competition. play wit it.

Tariq al Hayder said...


I can't believe how scared you are!! You are SHOOK!!

I thought maybe you'd choose option B, but if you "like my ramblings so much" (like I know you do) then give me the same pleasure! Allow ME to enjoy YOUR ramblings. Conveniently, all that you have to do to accomplish that is CHOOSE YOUR OWN OPTION: OPTION A. By doing this, you will accomplish the following:

1- Shut me up.
2- Defend your manhood, by accepting my challenge.
3- Find an outlet for your secret Kobe love!

And you know what, I'll bet you can find a lot of things to write about Kobe: Write about how ugly his wife's tutu is. Or about how funny it was when he told Stephen A. Smith "I FIGURED IT OUT, BUDDY!". Or about how he's going to end up being BETTER than Jordan. Or about how he DIDN'T rape her. Hell, write about how you're at least happy for Holly. Haven't you been going on and on about how you "only have sympathy for Holly". Write about that, I really don't care. Hell, write about how pretty he looks in his those home whites for all I care!

But dang, man! Just stop being a pussy and man up! Do you BELIEVE IN KOBE BRYANT SO MUCH that you can't accept this bet? Is that it? Is it because you KNOW he won't be denied? That's it, isn't it? You won't believe that this is actually happening until you see that shitbag ray allen hoisting the MVP trophy above his head. That's it, isn't it? HAHAHAHA. Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but that will NEVER happen, Lord-willin'! Lord-willin' like the Clipse!

I'll tell you what, cutie pie, you've showed your hand, buddy boy! I didn't even notice it before, but it's SO OBVIOUS now! Eboy is a CLOSET KOBE-LOVER! HAHAHAHA That is SO funny to me! You can't understand it!

Am I wrong? You KNOW I'm right, right?

Prove it. Prove to me I'm wrong. I dare you. I double dare you: Prove it, Eboy.

I hope all the e-others join me in a spirited chant:


Come on, DP. Come on Alan, Tim: Everybody, ALL TOGETHER NOW:


I guess you're between a rock and a hard place now, Cliff!

Think about, everybody: EBOY is the one who suggested the Kobe appreciation piece, not me. Did I say ANYTHING about a Kobe appreciation piece? No. But it's just that he WANTS to write one, subconciously. Because he REMINDS him so much of his favorite player. Like, it's UNCANNY how much Kobe is like Jordan. It's like they're the SAME PLAYER! And Eboy HATES that! But he also LOVES that!

Awwwww Eboy!

Tariq al Hayder said...

Come on, EBOY,

would you like me to tell you that I don't really believe that the Lakers will win? Maybe I'm bluffing, right?

Call my bluff, punk.


Eboy said...

I'm glad I spent my Father's Day away from the computer.

Tariq al Hayder said...

Yeah, The Eboy Challenge was all in good fun, anyway, Eboy. I still love you, man!

Tariq al Hayder said...

It's just that you didn't know I had a little ace up my sleeve, but the ace is really a joker, and his name is little ray ray, aka judas shuttlesworth.

I'm sure this is making you yawn!

And I'm surprised nobody is joining in on the fun. Well, not SURPRISED, but...I guess I wish you would.

Anonymous said...

What happened to the Ray Hate piece?

TADOne said...

What Ray Hate piece?

Tariq al Hayder said...

Who are you, anonymous?

Tariq al Hayder said...

Hey anonymous,

Could you please tell us your real name? We're all friends here. If you are a good person, then I have all the love in the world for you. Do you love me?

Tariq al Hayder said...


Tariq al Hayder said...

hey anonymous,

you know who I love?

I hope I'm not forgetting anyone, but I love:

Kobe Bryant, Lamar Odom, Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, Eddie House, Rajon Rondo, PJ Brown (a lot), Leon Powe, Brian Scalabrine, Derek Fisher, Jordan Farmar, Phil Jackson, SASHA VUJACIC! (THE MACHINE), Kendrick Perkins, James Posey, Jack Nicholson and Oprah Winfrey.

And I REALLY love Doc Rivers.

Do you love all these people like I love them, anonymous?

On a totally unrelated note: Kobe Bryant is a VERY handsome man, in my estimation.

Tariq al Hayder said...

hey anonymous,

thank God. I thank Him for you. you are such a blessing to me. i love Him for sending you to me, because you are the FIRST anonymous commenter on these boards. I KNOW all the other people here. So thank God for sending you as a blessing. you truly are a blessing.

I LOVE HIM for sending you to me.

Think of it this way, anonymous:


I love my blessing!

Tariq al Hayder said...

do you love blessings as much as I do, anonymous? I'd like to call you by your real name. Maybe we can be friends? I don't know, but somehow I feel like we've "connected", if that makes sense to you. I LOVE that. I LOVE connecting with people?

Do you love connecting with people, anonymous?

I hope you don't mind my calling you "anonymous". I worry that that may hurt you in some way, as if the concealment of your identity actually brings you PAIN. but remember that I LOVE "anonymous", whoever the hell he is.

Tariq al Hayder said...


to answer your question, blogspot removed the post. Maybe they were right to do that? I don't really know (hahaha).

But see, I think it's because I may have gone overboard with the ray allen hate. It's just that i'm disappointed in him. I've never really liked him or really hated him. I was VERY indifferent to him. But maybe that's because, as a casual fan, I never got to see him in the playoffs much. That being said, I ALWAYS loved his J. I once saw him sink a J when he was with the Seattle Supersonics (the Sonics have moved to Oklahoma, I think? Is Oklahoma NORTH or SOUTH of Seattle? Ironic, I'm ususally very good with geography! LOL. But I digress). That J was against the Sacramento Kings, during one of the few times I saw ray in the playoffs. And I LOVED the way his shot was released! So I kinda wanted him to go to a good team so he could win a ring. It's not like I was DYING for him to win a ring, but, because I'm generally happy-go-lucky guy, I LIKE people to be blessed. But I mean, it's not like he's Allen Iverson or Kevin Garnett (my two favorite players). Or Baron Davis or Josh Smith or Amare. those were the players I really liked. (I also like Drew Gooden's Beard, hahahaha).

So I thought I'd HELP ray ray win a ring by using my anger as a motivational tool. I hope my anger doesn't have anything to do with ray ray's problem. Do you think it does? Because you know we're ALL connected, anonymous, and sometimes the negative energy you send out HURTS OTHER PEOPLE, even if you don't care. But I care, and I would HATE to think that I was hurting someone who didn't ABSOLUTELY FUCKING DESERVED IT. So that's why I offered to write an apology.

But what a coincidence, right? I mean, I write my article BEFORE the game, and then during the game he FOULS OUT AND THEN REFUSES TO TALK TO THE MEDIA BECAUSE OF A PERSONAL PROBLEM HE HAS. Wow. Talk about coincidences. I hope MY PIECE didn't do that, because that would make me VERY GUILTY.

Anonymous said... have gone off the deep end. I will check back periodically for your breaking story on the terrible person that is Ray Allen.

Hursty said...

Tariq, I was going to ask about the 2 removed posts but thats been resolved apparently.

Hursty said...

BTW...... for the fellas at S.K.O..... Get ready for the revolution of hype, hoops.... and HIBACHI 2.0!